I am not lost, just wandering.
The thoughts in my head scatter with the slamming of the door. The minor happiness I've acheived from escaping into my head has now turned into the downward spiral of realizing that none of it was real. And not only unreal, but also impossible. My heart soared at the thought of morning tea with the sunrise, painting on the chilly deck wrapped in a blanket, riding a bike to the market to buy dinner supplies, afternoon delight, writing side by side, delicious supper and glass of wine...life. Lofty dreaming with a broken heart leads to dissatisfaction when the dream ends. My dream has ended.
Is this what you want to see? Distress. Pain. Ache. Nothing is ever possible. The things you need, the things you want, or the things you think you want. They never parallel possibility. Life is always off by one.
This is not my life.
My darling, You must understand that right now you are being chased by ghosts and demons. They have only the same power over you as a thought. A placebo can have the same effect as a drug if the person is convinced enough that it wasn't a placebo. I works the same way with ideas. If you surround every evil thought with love and understanding then it will change and grow warmer until it sees the error of its ways to become one of the thoughts that makes you smile mid-day for no reason.
I have that dream too, strangely enough. I don't plan on letting that go until I at least have an opportunity to make it happen.
It can't be night forever. And soon you may have more light than your prepared for if you keep thinking these dark thoughts. ;D
Posted by: T | August 15, 2008 at 17:13