Life seems to always fall back into the same place it has always been. It takes a major change to see any real difference. And I'm so sick of making huge decisions that seem so monumental to me, and no one around me seems to notice. I took the step. I did it. For once I spared someone instead of watching them drown. And it's fucking hard damn it, so a little props would be nice. But since this seems to be a normal practice in daily life. Alas, earwax.
There is a saying, one step forward and two steps back. I go two steps forward and two steps back. Always in different directions. North, south, east and west. Forward, backward, side and side. Diagonal, zig-zag, across the bridge and through the woods. [Funny things can happen in the woods.] And I always take the two steps back to my original starting place. I am always in the same place. Dragging, lagging and always in the same place. I never knew being predictable was so tiring.
I wish I could change the world. This has nothing to do with you, or with me or with the general population, but rather the entire world. I, Lauren VonDeadly, am so sick of this world. In all it's beauty, I am still not convinced the wicked doesn't overcome. Doesn't reign free. I am not convinced. I sit, cross legged, in the middle of the grass. I see prancing dogs, sunshine, blue skies and life all around me. Then I hear the rushing of cars, the laughter of people and the sweet sound of music. None of this compares to the emptiness I feel. The wicked inside, has won for today.
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