Has the strangest sensation of spiritual unrest. That would be my status right now. Do you ever find yourself thinking in status language? While you are eating pistachio ice cream, in your head you think "...is eating pistachio ice cream." Yeah, I do that. Back to the spiritual unrest. That knot you feel in your stomach sometimes. Maybe when you're angry, or scared. I feel that now. But I have no reason to be angry or scared. Just constant anxiety. Heart racing, shallow breathing, butterflies in the stomach, insomnia-ridden anxiety. Unrest. Spiritual unrest. Pouring another drink helps. Sincerely saying out loud all the things that perplex me into the early hours of morning helps too. Dogs can't talk, thank God. I don't even know if they can listen either really, but an attentive yet silent audience far beats a barely listening loud mouth one.
I quit smoking two weeks ago. I started smoking again 13 days ago. It was a good process for me. I felt accomplished. Then the nagging urge to smoke a cigarette, have a cup of coffee, and bitch about my life just resurfaced and I decided that I like my life. Menthols and caffeine and sarcasm included. Then I began to reason with myself, since Chewy was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him. Who decides what a "bad" habit is? Is it bad because it feels good? Because it makes me feel better? That seems to be the only common denominator in all my vices. Smoking calms me down, and fills my body with toxins. [So does eating meat filled with hormones and chemicals.] Caffeine wakes me up, tastes good, and makes my body reliant on an outside substance. [So does taking aspirin, ibuprofen, cold medicine, etc. Which I don't take.] Sarcasm gives me an outlet to be a bigfatwhiner, and has the rare occurrence of pissing people off. If you think that time will change your ways, don't wait too long.
So, in light of the spiritual unrest, I embraced my vices back into welcome arms. One vice I've found that will never cease to MOISTen my soul, music. Not just any music, mind you. Songs that speak. Songs that use words to alter your entire thought process. I love it even better when finding them is a mistake. Something always brings me back to these songs. It never takes too long.
Cheers to the cheapest happiness. 5.49 - Menthol. 3.52 - Caffeine. Free - Sarcasm & Music.
