One of my personality traits is an innate desire to keep other people happy. It's a disgusting, spineless habit that I've never been able to break - only tame down to a place of resolve. I don't take pride in making other people uncomfortable.
Until now.
I feel banished and shunned in my own neighborhood. These cute little Protestant families of 5, driving their five star safety tested sedans, are treating us like the scum of the Earth. Do I know for a fact why everyone in this block hates me? No. If I asked, they'd probably state a list of things we'd done wrong - though we've only been here 4 months we seem to have offended every inhabitant of 55th Street personally, including the 6 year old girl who drove her bike up to my front door to tell me that smoking was bad and I was going to die. Charming.
I have a theory. Someone must have told them that they were going to catch the gay from us. Understandably, I mean it is a gnarly disease but I hear their church has a cure for it anyway. And, what does the reason they are treating us like crap matter? From day one we moved into that house we have gotten nothing but shunned. Dirty looks, snarky comments and now it's escalated to being screamed at on our own property. We are NOT disrespectful. We take out our trash on time, smile and wave to no avail on our way out, and we have ALWAYS moved the cars by the basketball hoop [which lies on public property] when they ask us. No one ever complained to us directly that we were being loud. Had they done so, I would have apologized and moved everyone inside. Because that is the respectful thing to do. We are all cohabiting this same little green place, there is no reason to get so much sand in your vagina.
We aren't bad people. We aren't mean people. We never gave them a reason to treat us this way. I've never had a problem anywhere else I've lived. I don't feel comfortable in my own house. So no, I'm not taking down that sign. I'll move it to the backyard where my audacious lesbian lifestyle won't offend anyone. Or better yet, I'll just carry it with me to take the trash out, to weed the garden, to check the mail.... All whilst wrapped in neon yellow caution tape. Or maybe I'll print out a pamphlet and pass it around to all the homes so that they understand that as long as they don't make eye contact with me, the gay can't spread.
I need whiskey.
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